Chapter 34. Jonah and a Whale of a Tale

I got back to the jail in one piece. They’d just been fucking with me. I figured that anything that happened to me from that point on wasn’t near as bad as what I’d put Daphne through. I knew that I deserved my lot and completely accepted it while I was escorted up to the cells. The cells all had bunks three high on each side going back two lengthwise. That made for twelve bunks and the top bunk was for the new guy. Kenny was already in his top bunk as I climbed to mine.

“You trippin’ pretty good?” Kenny asked in a way of greeting.

“Yeh, it isn’t so bad though,” I no longer had to fake freaking out. “Good thing that shit was as pure as we were saying it was.”

I looked around the cell at my new mates. Only about nine of the twelve bunks were taken. I felt that my mates were all sizing me up. The morning light was just starting to filter in through the mottled glass on the windows beyond the catwalk. One of them had phonograph player and how he was able to keep one was a mystery. It was one of the small box kind that played 45 rmp records. I figured he'd have to be the in-house snitch. Since everyone was getting up, he put on one of the two records he possessed for revelry. I saw a message of dread as the chorus sang; “My boy friend’s back and there’s gonna be trouble…. Hey la de lie…. my boyfriend’s back…” The other record was “Time” by the Chambers Brothers. That was played ad infinitum too.

I sat in the lotus position on my bunk until we were all filed out to go to the bull-pen for breakfast. I didn’t speak to anyone…nor did I eat. I just sat. No one bothered with me. Daphne’s eyes haunted me through the day.

Kenny came over once where I was laying on a table, an inner-eye lightshow in my head, reviewing tracers and geometric patterns. “Hey, what did you tell ‘em.” Kenny said under his breath.

“Don’t worry; I just told 'em I did it all.” I spoke at a low but clearly audible tone. “You guys had no idea what I was up to.”

“Bullshit, that isn’t what they told me. They said you ratted us all out.”

“Don’t you know that is how they do it? Where’s Ted?”

“What do you mean; that is how they do it…”

“They get everyone suspicious of each other and tell them they are already snitched-out anyway. If that was true then why would they need your confession?” I wanted to go back inside of my head. The clanging of bars and echoes of voices bouncing off the concrete walls and steel cages was almost too much for me.

“Ted made bail, our cousin got him out. He said he’ll get me out by tomorrow.” He then hung his head, “You know, they confiscated all the money for evidence…so, we can’t bail you out.”

“I don’t have anywhere to go anyway. I might as well stay here.” I assured him that it’s okay if I don’t get bailed out too but I still hoped.

Kenny looked more than a little disturbed, “They’re going to charge all of us with rape, you know.”

“Yeah, well?”

“It’s all your fault too.”

“I know.”

Kenny walked away. He didn’t get bailed out for a week and, while there, he never again spoke to me.

That Sunday there was a service downstairs led by a group from a Panama City church. The Leader was a huge, six-foot-five, muscle-bound-blond-haired-blue-eyed-Aryan-leviathan, named Jonah. No kidding, Jonah. He told a story about how he was into drinking, into sex, drugs and rock and roll, until Jesus entered his heart. I thought that part of it was okay but then the guy launched off into another direction… a direction I had never heard of before. He started into the Book of Revelations. I loved the language and surreal imagery of that book more than all the others, but I didn’t know anyone took it literally. That would be to me like seeing a Salvador Dali painting and thinking it was how a real clock was supposed to look without appreciating the poetry of the impossible of it. I perked my ears, amazed that Jonah believed it because he said he believed every word of it. More astonishing, he was proud that he believed it.

 I wondered what I was missing. I mean, I never believed in bent clocks.

Jonah threw all his muscle into a pitch that went like this: “In the last days the Lord will show Himself in the heavens where everyone, everywhere, will be able to see Him.” Jonah was clearly excited about the prospect because veins popped out on his neck, and sweat dripped from his brow, as he described what would happen next; “When Jesus shows Himself the faithful, those that believe, will be ‘raptured’. You will see all kinds of shoes left on the ground where true believers had been standing a blink of an eye before!” But Jonah wasn’t done yet and neither was his Lord. “After the ‘Rapture of the Saints’ there will be seven years of tribulation brought on by the Anti-Christ.”

One of the regulars, Red, chimed in, “How about their clothes? Won’t they be goin’ to heaven all nekkid?”

“We will be adorned in robes as white as snow.” Red was assuredly intimidated because he had no more questions after the Leviathan scowled his answer in Red’s direction.

Red wasn’t buying that, “You said they’ll be nekkid ‘fore that and I wanna see them girls’ titties and shit.”

Man, I thought, what kind of trip was this Saint John of Patmos on? I’m sitting in this room with a bunch of jailbirds, still tripping on the acid I ate three days ago, and I’m listening to a blond behemoth describe the visionary rantings of a madman from two thousand years ago as though they are to hold some kind of esoteric meaning to me today!

Jonah then seemed to focus his full attention on me as he continued his spiel; “The Anti-Christ will perform miracles, make the trains run on time and all the nations will bow to him saying ‘peace, peace, when there is no peace’. He’ll require everyone have the numbers 666 tattooed on their foreheads and on their wrists, you won’t be able to even get groceries without having it stamped on ya. The Christians who converted after the rapture, and some of the Jews, will refuse to have 666 tattooed on them and will be persecuted...”

He ran a finger across his neck making the sound, “skewwwwsh,” and continued.

“After seven years of tribulation the Lord will come back with an army of Christians and cast the Beast into the pit of Hell. The Lord, with his Christians and Jews of faith, will reign for a thousand years.”

“So, what happens after a thousand years?” I interrupted. I was authentically curious what Jonah would say about this, but the behemoth wasn’t moved to explain.

“The point is that it isn’t too late to accept Christ. It won’t matter to you what happens after a thousand years if you are burning in Hell anyway.” Jonah’s eyes were riveted on me. It was as though there was no one else in the room. I was relieved when the jailer showed up to escort the gaggle of parole violators, petty thieves, arsonists, check-kiters, and one rapist, back from our Bible study to our cell block.